Comedy Tickets

March In Cinemas

March 7th
10,000 B.C.- An adventure eighty billion historically inaccurate years in the making! Roland Emmerich was obviously motivated by the Old Testament appeal of historically dodgy violence in Mel Gibson’s works, leading to this, a big, noisy adventure film with few recognizable stars, headlined by Steven Strait and Camilla Belle. Given that Emmerich, who made “Independence Day”, is operating on a budget far over $100 million yet again, I would love to have been at the pitch meeting for this.

College Road Trip- Martin Lawrence has a smart agent, one who’s trying to tailor the aged comic’s appeal to the younger set. He hit it big as a member of the “Wild Hogs”, and “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” was a big enough hit for the former marquee thief. Here, he’s going smaller than ever, doing a G-rated college comedy with Raven Simone for Disney. I congratulate the utterly inane concept of a G-rated college comedy, being that it makes me want to pop “The Rules of Attraction” into my DVD player again.

Paranoid Park- Gus Van Sant’s latest, nominated for a Spirit Award for Best Picture, features a young cast in a story about a skater kid who has to hide his involvement in a grisly murder. Like Larry Clark, I suppose, with slow motion shots of sunsets replacing nude underage bosoms.

Ms. Pettigrew Lives For A Day- Frances McDormand is some sort of nanny who learns to loosen up when she gets a job working for a glamorous lush played by Amy Adams and my vagina just isn’t big enough to accommodate this one.

Snow Angels- David Gordon Green’s latest, one o those fractured-community stories, features Sam Rockwell and Kate Beckinsale as former lovers. This is casting that I think is pretty spot on, because in small towns I’ve visited, there are tons of couples who proportionally look like Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell, and also because Sam Rockwell is Cinema Jesus.

CJ7- Stephen Chow’s latest, unlike...

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